Thursday, June 14, 2007

Feeling weird.

So. I've been debating posting about this for a few days now, and I'm not sure why I finally decided to go for it. It's not making sense to me yet, but maybe putting pen to paper (in the most figurative of senses) will help me figure it out.

For the past two weeks I've been happy.

Now, this may be the most boneheaded statement ever, but gimme a chance to s'plain. Normally I'm a pretty optimistic person, and even during the tough times, I can look for solutions, and Dr. Phil everyone else into oblivion. I rarely stay in a funk for more than 24 hours, and most of the time, it's PMS-induced. So, what's the big deal? What's different now?

More often than not, these past weeks, I catch myself smiling, and thinking, "Gee. I'm happy. I can't think of what would make today better." I can be staring out the window of the bus, or walking down the street; sometimes it hits me when I'm cooking dinner, or knitting and watching TV, or laughing at Hubby's jokes. I haven't felt this way for a long time, and the only word that I've come up with so far is 'content'.

Hubby is pretty sure it has to do with work - it's very low stress at the moment, I like my boss and my boss sure seems to like me. I don't have to work or think or write thesis chapters at night, so I'm getting nearly 7 hours of sleep a night. I do think that's part of it - since I started, I haven't once woken up with that slight panic pounding away in my chest. That pounding had hounded me literally every single day since 2003, and was responsible for two full blown panic attacks. But I don't think that's the entire explanation.

It's very weird; it's not worrying me at the moment, but it's rather disconcerting. I have a couple of theories, but none that 100% explain it.

Maybe I'm just happy.

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