Thursday, March 22, 2007

A rainbow day.

(with apologies to wherever I read this first - I think it was a comic strip in 1988).

When you have a day that's filled with both bad and good, it's a rainbow day. When dreary grey skies lead to a beautiful rainbow, you are sometimes filled with melancholy that gets crowded out by a peaceful feeling of blessing and love.

Yesterday was not great. I had a moderately productive morning (relatively speaking), and took a jaunt down the hill to the grocery store during a particularly sunny moment. The whole trip only took 30 minutes, and I got some lovely produce, so I was really feeling good.

Mid-afternoon, I started feeling anxious again. I was chatting with my husband online during his break, and I broke. I felt like I was never going to be finished, and that I didn't have enough written, and that this thesis was going to be laughed at. It was terrible.

Hubby called, and walked me through it. "You have X pages of text. You think that's not enough, but what happens when you add on your X pages of figures and figure legends? And your X pages of tables? Plus your X pages of references? Doesn't that bring you well within the reasonable range that most profs prefer to read?"

(Damn, I hate when he's logical)

So, in the end, because my working thesis file is text only, and has none of the other bits imported in, I'm within the acceptable limits of page count.

I then sat down over the evening, and including watching an hour of TV, managed to write another three pages and four figure legends.

My brain knows that I have eight days left, and that it'll be enough time. I'll be OK. The panic usually sets in when I try to think of everything that's left to do in the context of doing it in one day. There's no way I could finish in one, two, or even three days, but dammit, I have EIGHT.

I'm moving in with Kind Friend #2 on Sunday, hopefully. That'll let me work weird hours, instead of following the circadian rhythm of this place. I'd intended on watching a second hour of TV last night (watch show #1 from 9pm to 10pm, work until 11pm, watch show #2 until midnight), but as much as I want to know what happens in that infernal show, I couldn't fathom staying up.

But, I do loves me some internets, where I can find out what happens because people love to share ;-)

Don't get me wrong - I love A. and C. They're so good to me, letting me monopolize their internet connection, and cooking extra chicken and rice. A. has known me so long, she knows where I'll go off track, and in her (annoyingly) perky (morning) voice will encourage me to "get back at it, almost done!"

So, for today, I'm filling in gaps. I might go into lab to do some printing, I might not. It'll depend on whether Friend #2, who goes by the name of F., will be around today or tomorrow to give me her spare keys.

*Sigh* Nearly there.

I'll take a break later and look for some pictures to post. It's getting a little dull around here.

ETA: I also woke up before the alarm again this morning. A full hour before the alarm. I'm pretty sure it's anxiety, because I can hear my breathing when I wake up, and I sound like I've run a 10K in 30 min's, with a chest cold. Calm is one thing I'm looking forward to ;-)

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